The matter of in-laws is the one that many wives wish didn't exist in marriage. The reason being it is the bane of numerous ailing marriages. Many daughters-in-law often dislike their mothers-in-law and very few daughters-in-law have ever had any thing good to express in regards to a mother-in-law. Many spinsters wish that they can not need one if they marry their husbands.
Many mothers-in-law tend to be viewed as overbearing, busybodies and a wife's greatest rival. The questions to ask are:
'Why are mothers-in-law generally understood by their daughters-in-law?' 'Are mothers-in-law truly bad?'
In several homes across the world, especially in African settings, there's usually an unending, raging conflict between a mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law.
You can find two parties to the conflict - the wife and her husband on a single hand and the mother-in-law on one other hand. To have the ability to provide understand the causes of the conflict, it is pertinent to gauge the roles played by each party to the conflict.
The wife and her husband
Many wives, especially African wives, enter into marriage, fully prepared for battle based on pre-conceived notions that mothers-in-law are evil and must certanly be put within their right places. Thus they have formed an opinion of their in-laws and have concluded that the in-laws are antagonists. So, if a partner has a kind and loving mother-in-law, she'd misconstrue everything that the mother-in-law says or does. Personal injury
A wife may have an illusion that after her husband marries her, he must abandon his parents and cling to her. This illusion is dependant on a scripture that says that '' A man will leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife'' ;.By their faulty interpretation of this scripture, they appear to forget that the same scripture commands that 'a man should honor his parents''
A sensible man won't abandon his parents while he married a wife. She must continue steadily to relate with them and to supply for them. However, his relationship with them shouldn't allow unnecessary interference in his affairs, especially marital affairs by his relations.
Unfortunately, in many places especially in Africa, relations do interfere in the marital affairs of a married relation and this attitude is a product of an African's cultural values particularly the extended family system.
The extended family system of the Africans is a beautiful and commendable cultural system that enables a member to be his brother's keeper. However, one major defect of this method is a member's assumed to meddle in the marital affairs of another member.
No parent has the right to meddle in the marital affairs of a boy except the son grants them the power to complete so. Such powers, when given tend to be abused and the mother-in-law is the principle culprit. A boy who grants rights of interference to his relations is obviously without maturity and remains in bondage to his parents i.e. tied to their apron strings. Marriage is for adults and real men. Real men are not just men by physique as some men really are. Maturity is the ability to take full responsibility for one's actions and to manage one's challenges
There's a world of difference between a healthier respect for one's parents and servitude to them. Many men do not seem to understand this difference. A boy who allows undue interference in his marital affairs is consciously or unconsciously setting the stage for a conflict especially where his wife detests and resents such interference. In this wise, the son/husband has changed into a part of the problem.
Some men are emotionally attached to their parents especially their mothers and this is actually the loop a mother-in-law takes benefit of to trouble her daughter-in-law.
The mother-in-law
A mother-in-law wants to be loved and accepted by her son. She wants to be remain relevant in his life and be treated as a priority. The Mother-Son relationship is one of the very intimate but non-sexual relationships.
Mothers are often very passionate about their sons. Some mothers who may experienced rough and difficult marriages within their time with probably impossible husbands usually take solace within their children to comfort them and look after them. They could have suffered a great deal and had borne numerous indignities to train and mention their children. They would see their children as their little husbands.
Suddenly, a young woman appears on the scene to remove her son's attention from her. She feels oppressed and becomes heartbroken. The mother fails to realize that whenever her son gets married, she now belongs to the backseat while her daughter-in-law takes the leading seat in her son's life. The mother still desires to have the full attention of her son which her daughter-in-law will see as rivalry and competition.
Which means conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is a fight for the eye and control of the son/husband.
Some mothers-in-law are unnecessarily difficult and can't be pleased or satisfied by a daughter-in-law. Sometimes it is out of envy especially when the mother-in-law had a difficult and unhappy marriage and her daughter-in-law now has a happy and cordial relationship.
Some mothers-in-law have good intentions, genuinely interested in the welfare of their son which the daughter-in-law may misconstrue to mean poke nosing.
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